Dear Aayat,
Hey! You may never read this, but i’ll waste my time anyway. Hey Aayat. Your name has made me smile, made me curse, made me cry. I will never forget you. Never.
You see.. Manushree Navaneethakrishnan may have just been a period in your life. Just another friend that came and went. Because you were probably skilled in the art of friend-dumping. I was just another one of your tests. Another victim. But you. You are going to be a pinnacle in my lifetime. Aayat Ali. Your name makes my blood boil. It makes me want to peel my skin off. I have no words for u. None. I probably won’t have the guts to send this to u ( i also have no idea how to) But you.You..
Maybe I’m just so damn crazy. Why do i relive every moment with u. Why do I light up when i hear your name. Why do i seethe with anger when i hear it? I don’t know.
I was probably Manushree, the girl who never stopped smiling, the girl who had no damn feelings or emotions. But you know what? I do. You don’t know how you changed my life immensely. You will never know the amount of days i spent crying. How i teared up after your words. How i propped my binder on my desk so i wouldn’t have to see your face. I sat on the stairs that day, contemplating my life. Aayat you changed me. I don’t hate you or love you. I don’t know. I will never know until the day i die. I will forever wonder why...
Maybe you don’t really collect it. Let me set the scene for u. It’s a Thursday.. I’m so damn pissed because some girl verbally fought with me after i accidentally ruined one of Evie’s Markers. I stand at my locker awaiting you. I need someone to cry to. Someone who will comfort me. Tell me it’s okay. You arrive. Your tall frame swaying side to side with your bouncy hair. You clutch your binders to your chest. But your not smiling. Your eyes aren’t scrunched up and your lips aren’t wide and stretched. Your olive skin is weary and your eyes are lifeless. You do your combination. And open your locker. I stare at your perfectly painted purple nails and the charm bracelets that gleam on your wrist. You get down on your knees and pick up your math binder. I bend along with u. I stare as you you utter that final sentence. I still remember it. It will always be in my head. You lower your head and speak in a small voice.,”Manushree, I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” My heart breaks. A million pieces shattered. My heart turns to dust. I feel the waterfall. Everything is blurred as water forms in my eyes. I see your blurry shape walk away, hair swaying side to side. I walk slowly to math class. I sit at my table and i clearly see you working on homework. Smiling. I prop up my pink binder and cover you up. I can’t see you but the pain is still there. It throbs throughout my body.
Aayat Ali.The main reason why you trouble me. I never did know why we stopped being friends.
Fast-Forward to a few months. 3 days before DI State Competitions. You walk up to me and scream. I stare at your eyes, smoldering with anger. My ears are filled with loud words. But i keep staring. All the hate and everything i kept back, wells up in me. I can’t hold in everything anymore….
I yell the truth. I never said what i wanted to say. Something about too much song, script is unfair , something like that. I don’t know. But what i do know is that i felt happy. I broke out of your jail that held me for so long.
What you don’t know, Aayat, is that i took a long walk after that. What you don’t know is that i stopped and started crying. I collapsed right in the middle of that hall. What you don’t know is that Delaney held me in her arms. She told me it was going to be OK. And she was right.
I was scrolling through my random docs and found something. When we were friends, you shared your realistic fiction story with me. I have spent the last 10 minutes reading your story.
And I have to compliment you! It was very interesting. As i read it, I couldn’t stop thinking about us. The way we were inseparable friends. Remember how we broke borders? A Pakistani and Indian were Best friends! I thought we would stay that way. I thought we would end up in college together. Heck, i thought we would live together. Too soon. Too soon. I assumed. Assumed that we would be BFF’s. BFF stands for “Best Friend Forever” you were my Best Friend For 2 months. Why is it gone? The Spark we had? All tarnished and ruined.
It’s just a heartfelt sad story, isn’t it. But no no no. Honey, My story is not over. You may have broken me but you built me. Your words and your actions tore me apart. But they made me realize how strong i am. Because of you, i learned that not everyone will like me. Because of you, i won spelling bees, won awards, and became class president. Why? Because Aayat Shazhad Ali was born into this world. So you’re not my enemy or friend. You’re my Not Applicable. I remember sitting in the nurse’s office crying saying I lost my best friend today. She asked me ‘Did she die’. I said no. But in a way you did. You died in me. The little part of my brain that praised you had gone.
So that leads me to conclude this. You probably will never read it, but whatever. I will have the satisfaction of sending it to you. For once i won’t be a coward trapped In your Jail. Aayat i hope my name stays in your head forever, so you know how i feel about u. I hope you understand that I’m not just an optimistic little princess. Aayat, I am a Young Woman with feelings and emotions. And i hope you know that.
Hey! You may never read this, but i’ll waste my time anyway. Hey Aayat. Your name has made me smile, made me curse, made me cry. I will never forget you. Never.
You see.. Manushree Navaneethakrishnan may have just been a period in your life. Just another friend that came and went. Because you were probably skilled in the art of friend-dumping. I was just another one of your tests. Another victim. But you. You are going to be a pinnacle in my lifetime. Aayat Ali. Your name makes my blood boil. It makes me want to peel my skin off. I have no words for u. None. I probably won’t have the guts to send this to u ( i also have no idea how to) But you.You..
Maybe I’m just so damn crazy. Why do i relive every moment with u. Why do I light up when i hear your name. Why do i seethe with anger when i hear it? I don’t know.
I was probably Manushree, the girl who never stopped smiling, the girl who had no damn feelings or emotions. But you know what? I do. You don’t know how you changed my life immensely. You will never know the amount of days i spent crying. How i teared up after your words. How i propped my binder on my desk so i wouldn’t have to see your face. I sat on the stairs that day, contemplating my life. Aayat you changed me. I don’t hate you or love you. I don’t know. I will never know until the day i die. I will forever wonder why...
Maybe you don’t really collect it. Let me set the scene for u. It’s a Thursday.. I’m so damn pissed because some girl verbally fought with me after i accidentally ruined one of Evie’s Markers. I stand at my locker awaiting you. I need someone to cry to. Someone who will comfort me. Tell me it’s okay. You arrive. Your tall frame swaying side to side with your bouncy hair. You clutch your binders to your chest. But your not smiling. Your eyes aren’t scrunched up and your lips aren’t wide and stretched. Your olive skin is weary and your eyes are lifeless. You do your combination. And open your locker. I stare at your perfectly painted purple nails and the charm bracelets that gleam on your wrist. You get down on your knees and pick up your math binder. I bend along with u. I stare as you you utter that final sentence. I still remember it. It will always be in my head. You lower your head and speak in a small voice.,”Manushree, I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” My heart breaks. A million pieces shattered. My heart turns to dust. I feel the waterfall. Everything is blurred as water forms in my eyes. I see your blurry shape walk away, hair swaying side to side. I walk slowly to math class. I sit at my table and i clearly see you working on homework. Smiling. I prop up my pink binder and cover you up. I can’t see you but the pain is still there. It throbs throughout my body.
Aayat Ali.The main reason why you trouble me. I never did know why we stopped being friends.
Fast-Forward to a few months. 3 days before DI State Competitions. You walk up to me and scream. I stare at your eyes, smoldering with anger. My ears are filled with loud words. But i keep staring. All the hate and everything i kept back, wells up in me. I can’t hold in everything anymore….
I yell the truth. I never said what i wanted to say. Something about too much song, script is unfair , something like that. I don’t know. But what i do know is that i felt happy. I broke out of your jail that held me for so long.
What you don’t know, Aayat, is that i took a long walk after that. What you don’t know is that i stopped and started crying. I collapsed right in the middle of that hall. What you don’t know is that Delaney held me in her arms. She told me it was going to be OK. And she was right.
I was scrolling through my random docs and found something. When we were friends, you shared your realistic fiction story with me. I have spent the last 10 minutes reading your story.
And I have to compliment you! It was very interesting. As i read it, I couldn’t stop thinking about us. The way we were inseparable friends. Remember how we broke borders? A Pakistani and Indian were Best friends! I thought we would stay that way. I thought we would end up in college together. Heck, i thought we would live together. Too soon. Too soon. I assumed. Assumed that we would be BFF’s. BFF stands for “Best Friend Forever” you were my Best Friend For 2 months. Why is it gone? The Spark we had? All tarnished and ruined.
It’s just a heartfelt sad story, isn’t it. But no no no. Honey, My story is not over. You may have broken me but you built me. Your words and your actions tore me apart. But they made me realize how strong i am. Because of you, i learned that not everyone will like me. Because of you, i won spelling bees, won awards, and became class president. Why? Because Aayat Shazhad Ali was born into this world. So you’re not my enemy or friend. You’re my Not Applicable. I remember sitting in the nurse’s office crying saying I lost my best friend today. She asked me ‘Did she die’. I said no. But in a way you did. You died in me. The little part of my brain that praised you had gone.
So that leads me to conclude this. You probably will never read it, but whatever. I will have the satisfaction of sending it to you. For once i won’t be a coward trapped In your Jail. Aayat i hope my name stays in your head forever, so you know how i feel about u. I hope you understand that I’m not just an optimistic little princess. Aayat, I am a Young Woman with feelings and emotions. And i hope you know that.
You’re probably enjoying your life in your new school with your new friends, that you’ll eventually dump someday. They will all have their Aayat time in their life. You may not even remember me Aayat but i will always always always remember you. You’re not the friend who didn’t quite make it. You’re not the friend that i hate. You are the Girl that Changed my life. So thank you for everything you put me through because it made me realize that i have a voice and a mind. Thank you from the bottom of my mending heart. I will never forget you, Aayat Ali. You Changed Me, Aayat !!
Your Transformed Friend - Manushree Navaneethakrishnan
